I'm not sure what I think of love anymore. I have chased away everyone I have loved, except if you are still in my life, I love you even more.
I'm beginning to let go of several things that impair me. The letting go of my sweetie, my lover, my BFF forever is was traumatic. I manage my emotions over him and I daily. Each whisper I hear to reach towards him is the giant reminder that we no longer wanted each other. I say we instead of he because we were affected by each other that much. I wanted so do much believ in our live story I held on so tightly I lost my way. The way he loved me felt so good, until it didn't.
In spiteful words and actions he retreated. I lingered to feel the existence of overstaying my welcome. To look longer at this lover of mine- now indifferent. No longer grinning ear to ear with attraction and rushing to see me. So I stood there and remembered the sweetness of that time. I want that to be how we are in the mist of our memories. Love that over time will be remembered. Let anger and disappointment fade, warmth will fill your heart again.
I walk familiar places on my own now, it's different and it's new, I miss being in love and being I loved upon. A therapist would say this is a time to love yourself, true. I would say why am I constantly rejected? When will someone just wanna stay.
The memories of being loved are all I have.
