after the wave crashes

 i knew all along it was coming. but the force i was unaware of. there is a certain potency to memories that creeps beneath my skin. in the depths of my arms who used to embrace, hold love softly and cuddle babies who loved me. potent was love once, and potent is the lack there of. i'm left lingering, in between the memories and the flesh of tomorrow. the hope i will wake up and it will lead me to new memories, but there is no love to wake up to. no one to make a memory with, sour it leaves my mouth in words filled with spite. i wanted something else for my self, the hopes a girl holds. not to be broken, not to be left, it is as simple as love but even that holds complexity in its four letters. complex things like children and vows and broken dreams. the poets for all time have written of such things, but they sting more and sound less poetic when its your own heart broken, your own children angry at you and your own bed empty. last night was the first time i cried since he said i think we should get a divorce. from knowing myself i knew once the first tears crashed out of my eyes, i would be flooded by every feeling i had to push aside in order to deal with the practicality of such things as moving, working and public aid. the stress of my emotions made me sick to my stomach and i found i had no choice but the bathroom floor. sad, left behind and alone. my arms who once held tightly to a man on dark nights now stretched into vacant darkness. my arms who held nursing babies on endless nights, now bleed with anger. my love a memory i wait for the dawn to erase!