dear blog, my boy is five.

the heaviness of the day is all over us. we awoke to a heavy wet white seven inches of snow. Beautiful in its purity. it slowed everything down, emensley. i transformed my space and cleaned house all day. "sometimes you have to undo something to put it back together" . im sad inside but i am still really trying. today my son says to me as we chat about my work, that "maybe sometime you and dad could get together, like for dinner, and then you can move back in. because i just cant get a grip! too much driving back and forth and dad has to miss work." he is so right and so fresh, but its sad, sad to the core. i try so hard to still my frustrations, and assure him its alright. but he knows its not. he knows im scared and he knows in his little wise eyes that although i love him ALOT i cannot give him back the one thing he wants, his family back, and just as i had that feeling that may never go away.