places in time

i wanted to stand in the place of my youth and feel enlightened. i felt alone. i wanted to glance at the moon from a different location and feel illuminated upon, it hid beneath the clouds. the strange thing about familiar places is they can be very lonely when your heart is somewhere else. but where is my heart? is it in my phone on lonesome evenings as i watch the sunset and you call but i cannot hear you. and when i have your arms to touch i am distant and dreamy and reaching far away places almost asking you to chase me. i cannot understand the man who loves in two and words i want to believe fall on deaf ears that question the toxic cocktail i am asked to drink. a potion of love and sex one night with me another with the next. i love you the most he says to me, but not enough for me to leave. the stinging eyes of woman i one day will have to see. still i lay in waiting wrestled up with dreams and demons. your breaking heart will not cause you to stray and i want less of your love each and everyday. all or nothing is where i stand and there isnt really room in my heart for another man. with bitter eyes i try to hide because i cringe from with in when i tell the lies to myself. i also sink beneath the truth of your words and the circumstances slip of my tongue with bitterness and thats not good.