the gravity of fall

your bag is here, and your deodorant is in my drawer. my eyes take pleasure in the sight of you, but my mind cannot withhold the gravity of fall. the leaving is a little much for me. and like i said, i prepared for 6 months to let you go, not to let you in. Staying wasn't really the card on the table until you gave the hand to someone else. i cant take my deck back, i am waiting for the changing to be quick and painless but i know enough about change that is not the case. and the taste of the past lingers. i am wrapped up in old ways that i need to change and in shadows that the sun has yet to burn away. the demise of your other life overwhelms me and on a day when the yellow leaves are falling softly i wait for your call. i ran laps in my mind about leaving you and the mundane existence with out your love. i didn't run the laps of a future, because hope peeked out and was shooed away. now where do i stand, crossing fingers and tieing bows. what was good 30 percent of the time may crack under the illusions of how we actually live out lives. the city girl who only stays in and fights to get out, the artist who dreams and tears herself down. into the winter the days are flipping by and long is the night and cold is the goodbye.