its 4 am

its 4 am, your shirts are here, you are in my bed, but it is all a little too much for me. the ebb and flow has brought you here but it wasnt my choice or your choice. the choice was someone Else's. and in my dream you decided to stay. the weight of you here is heavy and filled with gravity. i still do not trust and the back and forth will always be in question for me. you have broken out of your cage only to put me into one. i circle around my own life unrecognizable and i quiver at the ways in which i move, wrapped up in time and space that escapes me. your passive choices insult my sensitivities and there isnt much help for the common sense i me. my feelings may never get used to this and the heart sings a different tune. too much to soon and break in the action a chance to grow into our relationship and the drama is a lil much and the waves crash with a thousand  thoughts in my mind and my feelings untangle with  single thread. help by little hands. child like and old all the same. who will hold me up when you are gone and will the seasons lead you back or take you away. the change has come to fast and i wasnt prepared, ok i got that but now i stand in disorganization and reality is too much for me to hold the life you tied with someone else. too many ups and downs and i want in but i want out. i wanted active choices and not passive ones and i may freak out and i may rush in. my space is no longer my own and heart no home and the distance on our wings is like the time that slips aways, each time you either choose to go or to stay.