once upon a time

I'm not sure i BELIEVE you are here to stay. i drowned in the hope that you are but in reality your eyes are not sparkling and your voice no longer casts wishes into the future. i give to you the space and comfort to sort out your path and i wait with a restless heart full of abandon. my lips are pierced with tightness and the cast of shadows plays out in my thoughts. i cannot escape the sadness your sorting threw and i somehow made this all happen. Picking up pieces of sand with a bucket of holes is what is happening to me. i want you to be excited but your not. i want to see you have hope but it wanes. and the distance has become a growing gap the the dissolve of your "other life". you are here more but your heart and mind have escaped with the freedom of your open cage. your thrived on the desire to resist me and now that you can have me you have escaped. i wonder if you are waiting for me to bring you in, but I'm not; yet. I haven't a dose of certainty from you, and now we talk in circles laced with doubts and fears and torn hearts. we go through the motions same as before but the bases have changed and i cannot see the shore.