where am i

i have some serious doubts it will work out, i cringe in the cage of dreams. i havent changed but you have. you have changed everything and someone else got to explain the pain away. I'm not sure i can take the dissolve and the reconstruction. IF you came along and said you are the only one i want to be with you are my choice and this IS what i want then i could see a chance. but you were passive with me and allowed someone else to push you out for me to take you in. that isn't exactly what i had in mind, this isn't really the comfort i need. you make me question you and dig for answers, i wake and i wine and i find myself in your arms and i long for them all the time. i Really like that my heart does not rest in turmoil anymore, but i ache with the destruction i brought to your door. i knew better, i should have known better. but all i want is away from the complexity of theses times. and all i keep hearing is go home. go home. but you want to me make me your home and i cannot accept that someone would love me as much as that, and all that is white now seems black.