The rest is yet to come

Barely functioning. I lay down to rest, fed the boys and swept up Christmas . Ive been On go on repeat on it never ends. Barely functioning, I somehow carry on. My heart responds, but the mountain and the train seem to be derailed. Pain steeps within these walls - I am caged and long to be free. lost, I do not know what freedom means. At night I'm nestled between two little bodies, each of their breaths are melodious, keeping me awake. i cling to and detach from them with each breath. A mothers heart is most fragile to break. I savor sleeping in the midst of their dreams, the murmurs and the tiny pull of the covers to make sure we're all tucked in. Time lends only a little, my vitality has declined and the weary body my spirit is in has got to lay down. the rest is yet to come.....