Gentle fingers

There might be a glumly lit room with an angel watching over you- 
Designed for two 
Forge a way to myself 
I am here and not there
Privately awaiting your arrival 
Heal my son lord 
Restore what the locusts have eaten 
That's all I hear in my mind 
Give me strength to tell my story
Wouldn't want to make anyone look bad 
Shocking news shocking news 
Step one is having a desire to change 
Extreme self harm 
Who could stop me from myself 
Alone home alone scared 
Voiceless choice less frightened 
Angels calling in the night 
Harm was done
Now I am recovering 
I think a lot about this 37 years later on a moon lit winters night 
Condensation was building 
Brilliant sparkling illuminessinat 
In the light 
The wrong place at the right time 
Vise versa feels quite right 
Stinking in the night 
Loving my babies 
Losing my sight 
What's happening as I disappear 
From their lives 
Living with that is so painful
It eats me alive
The struggle I have to survive 
Running so far from myself 
Little bits spilled out on the shelf 
Countless hours gone 
Too cold to explore that door 
Take away my phone in the night I'm alone here in the light of its glow the tv keeps me from being alone 
Temporary friends while everything 
Bleeds - I'm sorry all the time as little ones forget me
Loves held dear to all things time does toss in the wishing well 
If dreams were as cheap as pennies
Found luckily along the stream would I sponsor someone in my youth the truth in all extremes resting in high beams the things clear in the light 
Trauma sin it's all there the darkest of despair psycho tropic drugs take away my sight 
Living in the light 
Shepard in the blind 
Kissing me goodnight 
Flowers in posies that day on the field 
Floods my mind a love so real I lost my time 
Sex was everything that was right but it was heavy with wrong and I could not bear the weight of my sin not that unwanted to tell everyone but ya I did 
It wasn't all right 
Voices were heard and I celebrated just right I let go I let god in on my knees by faith and not by sight ---11-13-13
Faith flickered and everything was all right 
Never mentioned anyone else here tonight just Angela and their legions protecting what's right 
Hold my hand tonight