9 months over

We dispose of tissues that dried our tears and you underestimate my pain

In drops that no longer call you to pleasure 

I walk away from old emotional wounds that keep me driven in the wrong direction to you contrite in scarlet waves we say good bye

Talk to you soon 

Becomes not next time 

In separate ways we part

Disappointed 

Rejected and lost in heart

Take me over

My mind isn't working so fast 

I'm low outdated 

I can't last long enough 

I want all but nothing from you

In quibble I withhold my love 

In unrestraint I beg of you

Take me into passion again

Before I have to let go 

Escape this pain for one more second 

In the touch of your embrace 

Sleep with me 

Safe inside 

Post bells

I'm spilling over with feelings for you

In evident ways I keep my heart from bursting 

I'm sick with clueless love 

In dementia I dream in colors 

Blackened by the night of dreary eyes 

Hoping for a man to come and claim me

Be sweet to me and call me his own

In distant times of wailing in sleepless nights with out pillows to hide under

I want to be with you now in panic I search the night for you

In panic I search the heart for the unrequited letter of return 

Searching hopeless for you 

I vomit in my despair 

Didn't you hear me calling 

Could I come back 

To unbroken dreams 

Could I take the last flower from your garden and press it in between the pages of our love story 

I could if you would let me 

But I'm not well tonight 

I'm searching violently for you 

Crying for bells to ring

Leading me home

Shady night

I held you in my calm arms 

We met in tender forms 

I silhouetted the softness of dreams

Under sheets with covers lacking the 

Small of my hands trembling 

Under you

Generous in affection 

Words and breath mixed just right

I'm not alone tonight as I hold you 

In the weeping of your sleep

Comfort for those you keep

She takes me off my pedestal 

I am shaken by her words 

We dive a little deeper here

The bottle of wine 

Down 

Ironic that I'm the daughter sitting In

AA 

Five moths of sobriety and pending court orders to be drug tested 

Not a Chance 

I'm lying to everyone 

Co dependent on my lies 

It matters not anymore what destiny 

Deliverers if I can't stay high 

Then I can't stay dry

Having a moment

Obviously I am the wind of indecision 

In mental illness I perform in gravity less than desirable 

I am not formulated to sheets and razors 

Cutting everyone else up in my drama

I repent 

I repeal 

I break down 

I kneel 

The steps won't do

I return to you

Every time 

Your mine 

In denial I fly 

In arms fast to you 

Un barren my truth 

As I unfold my dreams to you

So good to be true

Sleeping here next to you in

Violent cages shattered in youth

Your eyes are blue I carry them with me

Living proof 

I'm not alone in my clean room 

It's all mine now in clarity and folded clothes

Functioning with sheets on my bed 

I'm well fed 

And nourishing the jeans 

I fit into

Everyday I wake up 

I think of you 

I'm in ecstasy but silent in a trance 

I can't take back my wings 

Or find some repair for this suffering 

But I will rise again 

Despite of my sins I can heal my life 

Surf the edge of this strife and unwound what doesn't belong 

Heal my heart song

I'm hurting inside 

For what I'm doing to myself 

You can't go back only within 

I'm waking up with a man on my mind 

The pleasure is lingering

Taking up my time 

I can only tell you the truth 

I'm living proof of miracles

I'm living proof of destruction

The flames they rise and on dirt I walk again with flowers in my hair 

Comfort between my toes 

A casual smile

Long dreams

I've got a weird dream 

I was walking in the store with robin

My legs were stiffening up and I was having a hard time getting to the food because me legs are so sore I'm thinking about putting Ben gay on- but I can't move at all and the dream dissolves 

Post passion

I  am in love 

And it's keeping me up at night

Unable to sooth the loneliness 

Aroused by longing

I am at maximum capacity for solitude

As I dangle in the space and the time I wait for your love to find me in white sheets stained with the  colors of passion and the wandering hands that remain in my memory as I breath in your breath I am satisfied but longing for more that my share of you

Growth

Happiness dripped from my tiny bones 

You played guitar on the top of my wrist 

Comical in disguise 

Patient in our understanding 

Intimate in our pleasure 

Surrendered breath was eaten 

As your soul slipped down my throat 

My heart was healed as I revealed my love for you in affections deep 

My body safe to sleep in the comfort of your company 

True love

I am happy in the after glow of our love 

That permanent grin feels good

What arms are these wrapped around me

Gentle,

long and tight 

We hold our hands shaped just right 

We unload our dreams into the night 

Bodies heat up the mood 

Systems settle into gentle arms 

Mine tiny but holding on 

Just right 

Into the night 

Long and tight 

Fast fingers

I made it home in the Nic of time we were scattered like wisdom shells that were cast to see 

Everything was stolen from me I harbor resentment and concealed pain with medications that became weapons held against me- 

This time was just as quick 

My exit taken on te night of a thousand lovers the swim suit in my hand wresting me to the sand while I freed myself 

Climate change

Basically the answer is always no

Everywhere I go I am crowded by confusion and blank stares from eyes that light dynamite in glances lost in the wind 

I won't change my mind in crowded stares across rooms that hold me into panic walls vibrant with love we hold a lust for life so fleeting I can taste your memories 

Dripping like wax to the burn in each curve of our belonging to each other 

Marry me in dreams hungover 

Lingering like that last breath we tasted 

Post love

Those blue eyes they slay me 

But you won't let me love you the way I want to 

Rolled up in sheets 

Naked in flower petals

Stained glass hearts that break in the sun

Mountains I have climbed in search of love 

Left meaningless in simple words 

we bend the rules with out restraint 

Someone misses me but it isn't you 

I'm caught in shadows that play tapes on the walls over and over like old songs 

I want to be more to you 

But I'm not 

so I wait but I'm not done with the past and you whisper her name in your dreams that are like broken and not mending with time like the things we said would happen

The narrative plays out and I can't say I love you because your ears are deaf and your walls too high for me to climb 

Barefoot and slipping on the tales as old as time 

But I tried