pit falls of lonliness

this nap ended at 333. i couldnt stop thinking about stupid boys and my unresolved feelings. i think about alot of different things now that i have space. but the stillness leaves me restless and in my dreams i am wanting more. a snuggle, a movie to talk about, whispers in the ear. things that are loving and caring. forgotten things, fenced up things that are heavily guarded. watch out and guard your heart. threw lonliness i have discovered that affection can be cheap and to the point and have an effect on my mood. it is hard to turn the starving off. it surfaces all around. is it just me or is everyone trying to fill that hole inside? and when nothing is there i wonder who i am who i have become now that i am somebody new. and someone else might love me one day.i might wanna snuggle someone and feel the suppleness of skin again. someone will call me baby and want to see me often. thats just not now. right now i am alone and it is quiet. i pretend the cars on the streets are waves and their rushing soothes a distant part of me. i am no longer frantic or in limbo. i am at peace with the season, but restless with the tides. introvert vs. extrovert collide. too tired to go out to sad to stay in. there is no motivation in my inspiration, another reason i need to be in love or at least in like. distract me from my pain my numb ness my flurry of insecurities and paint me beautiful picture of life. help me to dream again. maybe after i clear my head i will feel better, lighter, freer to be free. right now those are things that exist outside of me.