waves of hunger

today was hard! inside and outside all around! the food would go in but a lil while later i would feel woozy, like i needed to eat something again. but i was upset and not hungry. so i drank milk, then i took a bath, calmed down and became ravenous! to the point of feeling sick. so i ate cheese and a cookie. sugar. something. on my way to something else. todays roller coaster of feeling has been a doozy. raging and now where for it to go, except out. i need more practice breathing or something. i still fight the saddies and the laziness that is depression. the deep lonliness. the pangs of hunger, deep, and dry, choaking on tears behind dry eyes. im not in love and im not in pain. holding on too tight and letting go too easy. how can i be two feelings at once. stand next to me and let me tell you about my dreams, they are still there, disappointments and all. messes made and spills to clean up along the way.