the swelling arises

as i walked to see you my tummy began to turn, and not with the butterflies of love. i had convinced myself that last time was the last, but magnetism had a pull on my heart. i needed to look into your eyes, to tell you the truth that you were telling yourself lies. you wanted to believe that i would deceive you and that hurt me more than your anger. butchering my character you made up stories and didn't fight the shadows in your mind. i know you asked me for forgiveness, but on its soil i still stand, pondering what that means in the days ahead. i can forgive and forget, i have faced worse assaults, but does this mean i can let you back in my bed, my head, my cold and weary heart. i look in the mirror and i see a new start. your voice is like a merry go round, there at every turn is the sound of you convincing me your love could be true and so forth coming to say there is not one better for me than you. with blindness in my eyes i almost believed you, until that dream broke the sky and light could not hide my path from me. it was not the path you put me on and when i closed my eyes i heard a new song. stepping away is not my forte' and my feet are hard to pick up one by one.